Every millennial parent want their child to be independent & confident. We all have this thought in our minds but we don’t realize that we ourselves come in our child’s way. We are coming in the way of our child becoming independent because we think that our child is not capable or the result is more important the child .
When our child wants to eat by it own hands, its we who stops our child because we fear that the child will spill food & waste it, or the child will eat less vegetables etc. So our intervention gives a strong message to the child-“Don’t be independent”.
Being there as a support when the child requires is also important. Our need of giving support is our need of the result. Most of the time we need a specific result and so we serve our child rather than letting him serve .
Let us look at one more situation. Imagine a cool, breezy night. We are ready to sleep and that time the child wants to get his toy from the adjacent room. The lights are off and so the child asks you to either come along with him/her to the other room or asks you to go alone and get the toy.
How would we react to this situation most of the times? I believe most of the time we push our child to deal with the situation. We may tell the child that he/she is grown up & should not be afraid of the dark and so he/she can go & get the toy alone. We wanted the child to deal with the situation on on own and get the toy herself/himself.
But we are missing a very important thing here. Our child has already dealt with the situation. Being scared of the dark, his mind has independently thought of a solution to send his/her mom or take mom with him/her.
The main questions to ask self –
a) Do we want the child’s thinking to be independent?
b) Do we want the child’s doing to be independent?
While the child has already thought independently, made a decision and asked your help- so he could think independently.
Now if as a parent we push him to go alone and get the toy, that means we want him/her to be doing the task also independently.
Usually parents desire a child to be independent in doing the tasks because they feel they are more intelligent and can think independently and decide better for their child. We all like our own thinking and want our kid to follow it.
So most of the times, the child is independently thinking but his action may not be in syn with our thoughts. In most cases the child acts in a way his parent tells him/her to act. He/ She decides to sidetrack their thinking and act as per the advise. But again this decision is their own.
By default we all are born with independent thinking & decision making. So there is no need to put in thoughts & efforts to make our child independent.
As a parent we can make our child realize that they are capable of thinking & doing independently and that they can do more of this and feel stronger, confident, and enlarged from inside. They can go ahead and solve their problems now as well as in future.
Thus I hope you all agree with me that a child is naturally an independent thinker.
Infact we all must agree and remember that we all are an independent complete being. We may need support or help from many different individuals for doing different tasks, but that doesn’t take away independency. We cannot be independent in doing, we all need a support system for doing things.
So just look at your child and every other individual as an independent, complete being and try to look at his/ her behaviour as complete being.
Independent, for us, means to be on our own, without physical, mental & or emotional support. This is what we believe. But the fact is that we all are dependent on some or the other to get our things done. Total independency in doing doesn't exist to me.