If someone asks you what would you do to have a happy marriage?
Most of us would say that to choose the right person for marriage is the key to happy marriage.
But how do you define the RIGHT person? Let us assume that you are very clear with your definition of Mr/Mrs. Right. Having Mr/Mrs. Right in your life alone will not ensure happy marriage; for that it is also important to have a strategy to stay happy. Firstly, you have to be aware of self to be able to manage self. Then you need to be aware of Mr/Mrs .Right & people around him/her to effectively communicate with them.
Finally, you need to have a plan to nurture the positive in your relationship.
Following are some tips for happy marriage:
1. Create a habit of reunion every day. The most important moment in your marriage is the moment of reunion—it’s how you greet each other. You would feel this as unimportant n childish act. You would argue that you see your spouse everyday so why to greet each other. But be honest and tell; you go to your workplace everyday but you still greet your colleague & your boss with a smile on your face everyday no matter how hectic your travelling was. Both of you can decide a time of the day, morning time would be ideal, to greet each other with a smile. There may be times when you must have had an argument earlier, but as a rule you have to do it.
Initially , you may find it awkward. But after a week you will see the difference in your perception. If you consistently greet each other well with a smile, you will look forward to seeing each other. If you are inconsistent about how you greet each other, you can lose that sense of excitement. If you criticize each other at the moment of reunion, you can become fearful of seeing each other.
2. Set aside two minutes of undistracted communication every day. One of the key factor in relationship is clear and effective communication. Here I would like to quote few lines of poem of William Wordsworth – What is this life , full of fear. We have no time to stand and stare. If you ask me, there is not a single day when I have not spoken to my husband . Everyday we take out atleast 5 to 10 minutes of our time to talk to each other. Both of us share our feelings & thoughts clearly without having any fear of being judged ( neither of us pass judgement). Every morning we go for walk together and have breakfast together. In this manner right from the beginning of the day, we have a ritual to nurture the romance, affection, and connection in our marriage, and we have found that this feeling persists throughout the day.
3. Practice an appreciation ritual every day. Sadly, couples tend to take the good in each other for granted very quickly—and can even stop noticing the good that the other is doing—while focusing more and more on the petty failings of the other.
When was the last time that you have uttered the 3 magical words to your better half –“ Thankyou, Sorry and I Love you. We had become so focused on petty complaints about our spouse that we had forgotten what a good life partner he/she is.
If you could not recollect saying thank you & I love you to your spouse or if you have not used these words for your spouse since past 48 hours than definitely you are taking your marriage life for granted. Don’t do this. Try and incorporate an appreciation ritual into your daily lives. Say thank you to your spouse for even a small help and support .Before going to bed, both of you can sit together, without mobiles, and thank each other once again for all the big and small things you’ve done for each other that day.
I remember, when we first started this ritual, we were stunned to realize how much each of us was doing for the other during the day. Our thank you ritual to end the day has helped us become much more tolerant of each other’s failings.
Most couples allow their marriages to decay slowly over time, often without realizing it. But this wasn’t my marriage’s fate, and it doesn’t have to be yours. Daily rituals keep the sense of connection strong in marriage and assure that romance, affection, and appreciation are a part of your married life every day.
Do practice these simple techniques and let me know after a month if you find any change in your married life.