How to complain effectively in a Relationship

No two individuals or their thoughts or behaviour are same. Differences are natural among couples. The main difference between a happy couple & sad couple is the way in which they handle conflict or difference of opinions.


Effective communication plays an important role in conflict management.

Listed below are three tips for communicating effectively in relationships:


1. Express how you feel Effective complaints begin with a soft start-up, and are best launched by stating how you feel. A feeling may be an emotion like anger or fear, or a physical state like tiredness or pain.

Don't begin the conversation with 'YOU have done so ........& so........'. Instead start softly with sentences beginning with 'I feel or I think.......and so on. Starting with "you" will make the oppposite person defensive and will heat the argument further.

The soft start-up will act like a fire extinguisher and the other person will calm down a bit.


2. Talk about a very specific situation After stating your feeling, describe the situation or behavior that caused that feeling.

Many complaints couples have about each other will never go away. If that’s bad news, the good news is that complaints don’t have to drive a relationship to a bitter end. As long as couples can keep their complaints from becoming criticisms, complaints will be a minor nuisance in comparison to the destructive power of criticism.


3. State a positive need Finally, ask your spouse to take positive action to resolve the complaint. Discuss mutually about the plan of action to resolve the current issue and see to it that such issues don't happen ever after.

Take action on the plan.


Take conscious steps to please each other and not hurt each other.


Using this formula doesn’t guarantee complaints will be resolved. It does give couples a tool they can use to express their complaints without the risk of their requests being sidelined by a spouse who feels the need to defend against criticism.


Let’s apply this formula to the issue your spouse has raised and see how the discussion might end differently.


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